UnBEARably Hilarious!

Funny jokes, pictures and videos for Bear Lovers!

This bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender, surprised and impressed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn't been in many bars."

So the bartender replies, "That'll be ten dollars."

The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."

One day a baby polar bear approaches his dad with a confused expression on his face and asks, "Dad? Am I really a polar bear?"

"Well of course son!" the dad answers.

Yet, the cub still seems skeptical. "Are you sure I'm not part black bear, brown bear or panda?"

"Why no, son," the papa bear replies. "I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear. You come from a long line of proud and strong polar bears. Why do you ask?"

Frowning at his father, the polar cub shouts, "Because I'm fucking cold!"

This bear and this rabbit are pooping next to each other.

The bear says, "Hey, Rabbit. Do you have trouble with poop sticking to your fur?"

"No. Not really," the rabbit replies.

So the bear picks up the rabbit and uses it to wipe his butt.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest, then suddenly, they trip over a genie's lamp.

The genie comes out and says, "Hold it, hold it. If you two will just quit chasing each other for three minutes I'll give you both three wishes."

So they say okay, and the genie asks who'll go first.

The bear pushes the rabbit out of the way and says, "I'll go first. I wish all the bears in the forest exept me were girls."

The genie snaps his fingers and says, "Done!"

Then the rabbit says, "I wish I had a crash helmet."

The bear goes, "Well, that's a dumb wish."

The rabbit, however, ignores him.

Again, the genie snaps his fingers and says, "Done!"

Then it's the bear's turn again. He says, "I wish every bear in the world exept me were girls."

The genie goes, "That's a big wish. It'll count as two wishes."

"Okay, fine," the bear answers.

The rabbit has two wishes left, so he says he wishes for a motor scooter. Then he gets on the scooter, puts on his crash helmet and as he's driving away, he yells, "I wish the bear was gay!"

An unfortunate guy is hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear starts to climb the tree, so the guy climbs up higher. Seemingly exhausted, the bear climbs down and goes away.

The guy guesses that the bear has given up, so he starts to climb down the tree. But then he sees the bear coming back. This time he brings a bigger bear with him. The two bears quickly chase him up the tree again. The bigger bear goes even faster and higher than the first one. But the guy climbs even higher still, so the bears can't reach him. At last, both bears give up and leave.

Totally relieved, the guy starts climbing down the tree again. And suddenly, the two bears return. This time the guy knows he is in big trouble.

Each bear is carrying a BEAVER.

An 80-year-old man is having his annual checkup, and the doctor asks him how he's feeling.

"I've never been better!" the old man brags. "I've got my 18-year-old wife pregnant and expecting a child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continues, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly, a bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor asks.

Dumbfounded, the old man replies, "No."

The doctor says, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaims the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replies the doctor.

Q: What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?

A: The dentist.

Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?

A: A teddy boar!

Q: How do you tell a brown bear from a grizzly bear?

A1: Climb a tree. If the bear climbs it and eats you, it's a brown bear.

A2: If the bear knocks the tree down and eats you, it's a grizzly.

Q: Why do polar bears have fur coats?

A: Because the seals laughed at them when they wore parkas!

Q:Why do bears have such sticky hair?

A: They use honeycombs.

Q: What do you call a big mean polar bear?

A: Don't call it anything - just RUN!

Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?

A: It lives on ice!