Gag Gift Ideas for Kitchen Fun

The gift of laughter is one of the best things you can give to someone you love. These whimsical kitchen gadgets will spice up your party and make cooking a much more fun activity. Some of these kitchen tools contain adult humor; some might cause certain disturbing effects that will make you crinkle your nose; and some are just too ridiculous to exist. But let’s face it; wacky gag gifts like these don’t usually fail to make us smile. Deep inside all of us is a brainsick child.

Poor Bill Clinton. An affair with one fat chick has horribly tainted his reputation. He is now known for his passion to penetrate (wine corks). By the way, doesn’t it look kind of short for a corkscrew? You’d better hurry up and order one of these cool kitchen gadgets while they are still in stock. Rumor has it; the manufacturer might replace Bill with Tiger Woods pretty soon.

The best self-advertisement strategy is to be precise and direct. Subtlety doesn’t always work. So just go ahead and be a blatant slutbag. Wear this funny apron at your BBQ party and you’ll get all types of attention. Isn’t it true that sometimes husbands and boyfriends try to be helpful in the kitchen just to get their wives and girlfriends to have sex with them? Yeah, I think so. Ever heard this? Women fake orgasms to maintain their relationships; men fake relationships to get orgasms.

This fun cooking gadget is used to separate egg white and yolk. Crack an egg, drop it into the cup, then tilt it a bit. That big-nosed man’s flu symptoms will suddenly be aggravated. A stream of thick mucus will flood out of his nostrils. If your recipe requires egg yolks, they should be ready for you in the cup. But if it requires egg whites, be prepared to eat the sick man’s snot.

Hannibal Lecter might have designed this spooky kitchen gadget. It isn’t only good for Halloween. You can use this jello mold to deliver a very serious message as well. Do you have a friend or coworker who is annoying and dimwitted beyond earthly imagination? You have reasoned with them, explained things to them and tried to treat them decently, hoping they would do the same to you. But the jerk has remained unrepentantly stupid and won’t be cooperative. Your last resort? Shove a brain jello in their face and say, “Here is what you need, dumbass!” I wish I had done this to my old boss, a psychologist who needs more help than all of his patients (Yes, I’m talking about you, BERT!).

In the modern world, many things have been invented to serve our convenience. We have drive-through ATMs, remote-controlled light switches, voice-controlled cellphones and self-cleaning toilets. Do you know what we are turning into? Lazy-ass bums! Now with this motorized spaghetti fork, we don’t even have to turn the wrist and circle the fork ourselves. What’s next? An electronic slingshot, programmed to shoot the dinner from the stove into our mouths? Well, this spaghetti fork wouldn’t be a kitchen gadget of my choice, but it is actually one of the most fun gadgets for kids (and also drunk adults with impaired motor skills). It creates less mess, costs less than $10, and can transform your bored children into happy spaghetti monsters.

I’m not sure what to say about this one. Why would anybody want to use a towel that a dog squeezes out of its rear end? It doesn’t have much use as a kitchen gadget, really. It should be easy to pull a towel out of that doo-doo orifice, but I’m not sure how difficult it is to stick a towel in there and then make it drape nicely. And what if the towel is brown? Would that be too pictorial? Anyway, as a gag gift, it scores ten out of ten.